He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
