As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
