oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
