She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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