One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
