i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i need some magic done to my vagina
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
