i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
