fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
