Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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