I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
