I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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