You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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