And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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