After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
