I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
