i dont even know how to be here
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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