So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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