I love black thongs
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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