Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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