I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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