accomplished twins. life is a go
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
