hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
