Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
