He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
