O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
