girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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