Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
