His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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