my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
