Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My ass is underappreciated
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
