I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
false alarm. still invincible.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
