is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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