The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
