Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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