Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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