I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
