Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
