I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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