If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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