the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
