Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
