The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
