That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
