The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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