i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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