so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there was a trapeze. enough said
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
