Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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