I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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