Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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