Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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